Instead of allowing my heart to melt with his angelic beauty, I found myself angrily shouting him awake. He woke up, wide-eyed, and crumpled into tears. I spent the rest of his bath time doing damage-control with this precious little boy.

After seeing my family seated at the dinner table, I took my headache and non-compliant body to bed, and lay there feeling inescapably mortified. I wanted to run away from myself. My impulsive anger was so much a part of me, that there was no guarantee this would not happen again.

After mulling it over and over again, I turned to God for answers. And like a cool breeze that comes after a scorching day, he said: Forgive yourself.

It was like I had never heard those words before. They seemed like wisdom from another world. My soul breathed a huge sigh. Again, His words came: Don’t you understand? No one is perfect. I don’t expect you to be. And neither should you. I have forgiven you. So has James. Now forgive yourself.

As parents we going to do much that is wrong, much that we will carry in our luggage of shame. As much as we try to be perfect parents, raising perfect children who will have no issues, we have to face the refreshing reality that nothing and no one is perfect. We will make mistakes, and the greatest challenge we may face is this – to forgive ourselves. To move on into God’s grace for us, and even harder, our grace for ourselves.

The Bible has a lot to say about forgiving others, and God forgiving us, but very little about forgiving ourselves. Yet in Philippians, Paul says: Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: FORGETTING WHAT IS BEHIND and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Next time you do something that fills you with shame, I hope these words encourage and empower you to FORGIVE YOURSELF.

Your fellow traveller,

Candice

Instead of allowing my heart to melt with his angelic beauty, I found myself angrily shouting him awake. He woke up, wide-eyed, and crumpled into tears. I spent the next half-hour doing damage-control in the bath with this precious little boy.

After seeing my family seated at the dinner table, I took my headache and non-compliant body to bed, and lay there feeling inescapably mortified. I wanted to run away from myself. My impulsive anger was so much a part of me, that there was no guarantee this would not happen again.

After mulling it over and over again, I turned to God for answers. And like a cool breeze that comes after a scorching day, he said: Forgive yourself.

It was like I had never heard those words before. They seemed like wisdom from another world. My soul breathed a huge sigh. Again, His words came: Don’t you understand? No one is perfect. I don’t expect you to be. And neither should you. I have forgiven you. So has James. Now forgive yourself.

As parents we going to do much that is wrong, much that we will carry in our luggage of shame. As much as we try to be perfect parents, raising perfect children who will have no issues, we have to face the refreshing reality that nothing and no one is perfect. We will make mistakes, and the greatest challenge we may face is this – to forgive ourselves… To move on into God’s grace for us, and even harder, our grace for ourselves.

The Bible has a lot to say about forgiving others, and God forgiving us, but very little about forgiving ourselves. But Paul does say in Philippians: Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: FORGETTING WHAT IS BEHIND and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Next time you do something that fills you with shame, I hope these words encourage and empower you to FORGIVE YOURSELF.

Your fellow traveller,

Candice

I feel like I used to be, but last night I found myself saying “NO” to helping some young men in need. I found that I had no capacity to give to them. I knew that if I helped them I would be putting supper on the table late, I would be cutting storytime with my son short, and I would be resentful and angry for the rest of the evening. Instead I gave to my family, and was racked with guilt.

I am tormented by the scripture that says “It is no longer I that live, but Christ that lives in me”. I wasn’t living out of my Christ-centre when I said no. I wasn’t even consulting God in that moment. I was in self-defence mode and I am carrying the weight of it now.

It’s not so much that I said no. It’s more that I didn’t do it God’s way, whatever that was. I am so bad at living out of this God-centre, especially in demanding moments, that I feel completely useless. What good is it to serve God only when I’m prepared for it, when it’s something comfortable?

I asked Matthew if today was going to be a good day. He shrugged, not knowing what the day would bring. I wondered aloud if we could change the way the day happened, even when yuk stuff happened. Could we change the day just by the way we respond? Could I be grounded enough in God today to live out of my God-centre?

I love Chiara Lubich’s statement: Nothing is small if done out of love…

So even if I do something really small, just one thing, out of love, I have done something big, something life-changing, something world-changing.

But I feel unhinged, powerless to be wonderful and selfless and loving. God, I’m depending on you. You are strong in me, when I am weak. You give, when I ask. Please fill me with your power, your presence, your Spirit, today. I don’t want to live in regret and guilt. I want to live in the wonderful, wide open space of your Love.



He replied that his friends were doing it, and he was feeling out.

Hmmm…

Could the vibrant God-relationship that I wish and pray for Matthew be reduced to a guilt trip, or even worse, a popularity trip!?

Should I encourage any connection with God, no matter the motive?

Those who are hungry and cold, of whom I hear not a sound

Do I care enough to find them and share my food for the day

Feeding them is feeding Jesus. That is what the Scriptures say.

Matthew 25

Today I’m going to pack my car with tons of food and stuff

So that when I drive right past them I will always have enough

If I were them what would I want them to do for me?

Not just food and clothes I’ll want, but love and dignity.

when somebody loves you, everything is beautiful