Are you one of those people that give till it bleeds?

I feel like I used to be, but last night I found myself saying “NO” to helping some young men in need. I found that I had no capacity to give to them. I knew that if I helped them I would be putting supper on the table late, I would be cutting storytime with my son short, and I would be resentful and angry for the rest of the evening. Instead I gave to my family, and was racked with guilt.

I am tormented by the scripture that says “It is no longer I that live, but Christ that lives in me”. I wasn’t living out of my Christ-centre when I said no. I wasn’t even consulting God in that moment. I was in self-defence mode and I am carrying the weight of it now.

It’s not so much that I said no. It’s more that I didn’t do it God’s way, whatever that was. I am so bad at living out of this God-centre, especially in demanding moments, that I feel completely useless. What good is it to serve God only when I’m prepared for it, when it’s something comfortable?

I asked Matthew if today was going to be a good day. He shrugged, not knowing what the day would bring. I wondered aloud if we could change the way the day happened, even when yuk stuff happened. Could we change the day just by the way we respond? Could I be grounded enough in God today to live out of my God-centre?

I love Chiara Lubich’s statement: Nothing is small if done out of love…

So even if I do something really small, just one thing, out of love, I have done something big, something life-changing, something world-changing.

But I feel unhinged, powerless to be wonderful and selfless and loving. God, I’m depending on you. You are strong in me, when I am weak. You give, when I ask. Please fill me with your power, your presence, your Spirit, today. I don’t want to live in regret and guilt. I want to live in the wonderful, wide open space of your Love.



In my life of comfort, do I care for those around

Those who are hungry and cold, of whom I hear not a sound

Do I care enough to find them and share my food for the day

Feeding them is feeding Jesus. That is what the Scriptures say.

Matthew 25

Today I’m going to pack my car with tons of food and stuff

So that when I drive right past them I will always have enough

If I were them what would I want them to do for me?

Not just food and clothes I’ll want, but love and dignity.

Anger is like a bomb – if it explodes around people it causes major damage. Go detonate it in a wide-open, solitary place. Or better still, find the source of your anger and defuse it. You’ll need time, patience and God’s point of view but chances are, the bomb won’t get remade as quickly again.

The site not quite finished, but I want to say a huge thank you to WordPress and Anton Shevchuck for making this site possible. Your generosity and sense of community is true ubuntu. May God bless you guys!